The Drugged Adventurer 1 or How I Learned the Spanish Word for Dildo

This is a story about my first bilingual expierence, sort of.
Now I know what you're thinking. I did not have a sexy conversation with both a male and female at the same time.
I don't even know what constitutes a sexy conversation. I mean, i know to most people that it would be talking about sex with people. But to an English major, it could be using alot of big words to talk about sex, which ruins the expierence.
And it didnt help that they weren't really in to it, or knew who i was...
This is really the story of how i learned dildo in Spanish.
Now I speak English, usually (I do have bouts where I speak in tongues, but that doesnt happen enough to really count), so you can see the problem when I woke up
in what i thought was the middle of math class to find myself in a little Mexican village in the desert. I immediatly thought to myself,
"Shit, she got me back,"
(side note, at this time me and my math teacher had been pranking each other back and forth for about two years, and I had been on top when I had switched her underwear drawer with a snake drawer.)
Thinking quickly, I used all the Spanish I could remember through my two years of being present while someone taught Spanish to the other people in my class and tried to communicate. "Si, Si, me llamo, donde" which I believe means "Help Help I've fallen and i can't get up."
All of a sudden,someone hit me with a sidewalk. Reeling in pain from my sudden lack of chin, I looked for my attacker. Apparently I had actually fallen and I actually couldnt get up, because as it turns out I had fallen on the sidewalk, which thinking back makes more sense then it being thrown at me.
"Fuck she drugged me too, she's getting it big next week."
Finding my composure, I walked to the first man I saw and asked him in English,
"Sir, where is this place we are?"
"I'm a woman you ass hole"
"Shit," I thought aloud "Women don't know words."
"Fuck you man"
Ignoring her sound barrage, I made my way to a respectable looking yuoung man nearby.
"Where is here?"
"What?
"Where am I," I said, remembering how sentences worked.
"Houston, holmes"
"Wow, she drugged me good" Mind racing at the sight of buildings materializing out of the mountains that weren't there.
"Who?"
"Yma Athma Eacherta, oodga irsa"
They understand pig latin right? Anyway, he gave me a crazy look and backed off slowly.
Now I knew where I was, and I knew how to get home from here. So the next logical step was, of course,to strip naked and begin walking homeward. Getting naked opens up the foot traffic, and I might have gotten laid.
Rubing against a woman while your naked counts right? Yeah, I'll count it.
And now I'm home, able to write my story for all my friends to read.
Now, I know you may have questions, and I don't care, so we're ignoring them.
As to how I learned dildo in spanish, its called fucking google translators you dipshits. God Damn man.